Monday, February 18, 2013

10 Steps For Break-up Closure


I want to do this post to help a friend of mine  cope up with her past relationship. I know being in that kind of situation is very hard and painful. I've been there once. Gosh! I really hope that I wont be suffering it again.  I just want her to see this so that she would have some idea and in that way it might help her right now. Since she cant admit to herself that she needs these....Well based on what I observed she is still on the stage 3 of stages of grief . (click the link to know)


So here it is:


As the famous music lyrics suggest, breaking up is hard to do. ... But learning how to move on after a break up is just as difficult. Read on to find out to recover from a break up… Fortunately, it’s not impossible to move on.
The two biggest issues for women after a painful break up are that they don’t want to move on or they don’t know how to move on. If you've just been dumped (or did the dumping yourself), you need a plan to move on and get over him once and for all.
Follow these 10 steps to help you move on with your life:
1. Accept it
Before you can move on, you need to accept the reality of your situation. You broke up, it’s over. Let reality sink in - even if it takes a while. Don’t allow yourself to harbor secret fantasies of getting back together or how he’s going to come crawling back to you. Respect that this chapter of your life has closed and tell yourself that you’re going to have to get over it and move on.
2. Distance yourself
Maybe one day the two of you can be friends again, but now is not the time. Your heart is still freshly wounded and seeing him or contacting him will only make things worse.  If some of his belongings are still at your place, have your roommate stay home when he comes to pick them up so that you do not have to have contact with him. If you need to retrieve items from his place, send a friend to do the deed. Resist the urge to call him or e-mail him to “see how he’s doing” or to find out if the two of you made a “huge mistake” by breaking up. If he’s the one contacting you, tell him to stop. Delete the e-mails, erase the messages and don’t pick up the phone if you’ve got caller ID. Keeping in contact with him right now will have you hoping for some sort of reconciliation and keep you tightly bonded to your ex which will prevent you from moving on.
3. Stop talking about him
In the beginning, you’ll probably need to get everything off your chest with your closest girlfriends and other people you’re close to. Bottling up emotions is not conducive to the moving on process and can be very unhealthy.  Your emotions are real and valid; talking about the break up can be good for you, initially. Once you’ve “let it all out,” you need to stop talking about the situation. Not only will you start sounding like a broken record to your friends if you constantly talk about him, you will also keep him fresh in your mind and continue to dwell on the relationship-that-was.
Make an effort to talk about something else - or, better yet, let your friends talk instead.
4. Skip the blame game
While it’s tempting to play the blame game after a break up, it won’t help you get over him. Get the closure you need and figure out how to move on. Resist the urge to blame yourself, him, or anyone else (your meddling parents, his annoying friends, etc.), for what went wrong in the relationship. You both tried, you both made mistakes. In a typical, healthy relationship that suddenly goes sour, it’s not anybody’s fault. It didn’t work out and it probably wasn’t meant to be. Accept that fact and move on.
5. Learn from it
Instead of blaming yourself or him, learn from the relationship. Part of learning how to move on after a break up is learning from your experience, which includes the break up itself as well as your entire relationship with him. Everything in life – good and bad - is a learning experience and breaking up is no exception. Think about your relationship from a completely unbiased, objective point of view. Look at what was great about the relationship, what wasn’t so great and what led to the demise of the relationship. Write it all down and use these notes to help you improve your overall relationship skills.
6. Picture yourself over him
Picture yourself completely over your ex, if you can. Feel the pride and accomplishment of having gotten over him and moved on. Picture yourself looking and feeling fabulous, hanging out and laughing with your friends, meeting, talking to and maybe even flirting with other guys (even if that prospect sounds downright scary) and just living life again.
7. Focus on you 
Make sure you give yourself plenty of time to focus on you before beginning another relationship. Do something just for you and give yourself some time to connect with your inner self. Spend some quality time with close friends and family members. Take up a hobby, volunteer somewhere, or take a class. Keep yourself busy, but be careful that you don’t overload on activities just to distract yourself from your ex. Do something to boost your self-esteem, which has likely taken a bit of a beating since the break-up. Get a new haircut or hairstyle, get a makeover, go to the spa for a mani-pedi, buy a new outfit, etc.
Pamper yourself and take a girlfriend along, if you’d like.
8. Get out there!
If you haven’t gone out since the break up, now is the time. This doesn’t mean that you should try to pick up the first cute guy you spot at a bar, but you need to get yourself out in the real world to socialize and possibly meet new people. Meeting new people is the key to eventually meeting a new guy. You’ll also want to re-learn the art of flirting since you’ve been out of practice for awhile.
9. Take it nice and slow
Figuring out how to move on after a break up doesn’t involve going overboard with excessive socializing, meeting new people and flirting. You don’t want to come across as desperate or overly-needy. Just relax, go slow and enjoy yourself - but don’t play hard to get, either. Soon you’ll find that the men are approaching you.
Also, take your time getting to know new people and don’t just jump into a relationship blindly.
10. Don’t generalize and don’t compare
Not every guy is like the guy you dated and not every relationship will be like the one you just had. In fact, every guy and relationship is different. Don’t expect the new guy in your life to be like your ex and don’t expect your new relationship to be similar to your previous relationship.
Many women do this without even realizing it. Remember, the two of you broke up for a reason, so have an open mind.
These tips should make it easier for you to move on with your life and find happiness again. 
 The most important thing to remember after a break up is to stay positive. A positive attitude can provide strength when you’re trying to move on. Tell yourself that you can get over him and that you will get over him. You’ll be back to feeling like yourself again in no time.

Source: http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/wreckage/how_to_move_on_10_steps_for_post-break_up_closure.aspx

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